This is a rough first pass of my "sighting" sequence. The setup is that the daughter of Ahab has disguised herself as a man in order to get on this whaling ship.
These aren't to time yet so it's kind of like watching it in slow motion. If you can bear with it, please let me know if it's confusing or unclear or at all comprehensible. All comments, suggestions, observations are appreciated.
Here's the first version. The "sighting" is only implied by the dialogue.
Here is an alternate version, where Moby is actually onscreen.
If you actually sit through both versions, please let me know which you feel is the better sequence. Thanks!
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they both look good michael fong. it just depends on what story you like more. from the first one i got that she was trying to keep her self save and at the end reminisces about the knife her father gave her.
ReplyDeletewhile the second one i got a sense of she has to protect herself on a boat that she stoyed away on to hunt down this moby dick.
so if you wanna tie in more that shes there to get the whale. second works.
while the first one lets you understand the issues she has by being on the boat, but she doesn't really care about the whale as much because she didn't go and run to see it herself.
hope that made sense... good luck!
Hey Mike, nice work. I was going to comment on the second one. The begining was a bit confusing, because I thought that the character stepping onto screen was Ahab. Maybe a close up of her to start with, maybe tucking her hair under her hat, just to sell the fact that she's hiding her identity and to establish a connection with the audience. From there you can build the tension by having larger, darker figures around her and give her a hard time etc. The shots of the whale were great, but the line "Moby Dick" seems a little contrived, like an old kung fu showdown or something. I liked what Courtney said in class to Steph Dere the one day...she could say "..you..." or something, more personal. Good work
ReplyDeleteHey there M. Fong :) It's coming together. I enjoyed the second story more with showing moby dick off the port bow. I also enjoyed in your boards the use of an upper deck and a lower deck. Visually it was was very interesting. My suggestion would be to somehow explain what the person did wrong. I understand that tough guy spoke with the other guy on deck and then went after to capture Ahab. I just need to see some justification for the guys on the ship to attack. Otherwise, looking good! :)
ReplyDeleteCheers,
Amy Madden